May 2013
thepensivebrony:
“you shouldn’t be depressed, people have it worse than you”
finally, after years of searching, the person with the worst life ever is found. formally, they are granted permission to be sad. but only them. only they have earned it. no sads for anyone else at all ever
pizza:
today my teacher said he was the male version of nigella the cook and we were all so confused because we thought he was saying he had big boobs or something but then he reminded us his name is nigel and that is why teachers shouldn’t make jokes
hurricane-emily:
jimgaffigan:
Ladies I hope getting your nails done feels good because not a single man notices you got them done.
maybe
just maybe
women do some things for themselves and not just for men
what a concept
mom: you haven't moved since I left the house 6 hours ago wtf
me: excuse me where do you think these chips came from
Someone really needs to buy me a pair of slippers.
Period: You want cookies
Period: You want to fuck
Period: You want to fuck while eating cookies.
Period: Let's be sad about trivial things, shall we?
Period: Kill them.
Period: Kill them too.
Period: Kill them and eat their cookies.
Period: Shhhh it's okay you'll feel better soon.
Period: HAHAHAHAHA NO YOU WON'T FUCK YOU.
bombliate:
how weird is it to have pets though like a random animal just lives in your house and you can’t communicate with it but you both just accept it
I communicate with my dog..
geekyandpointless:
IS NOONE GOING TO MENTION HOW HARD IT IS TO MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT? DO YOU STARE IN THE LEFT OR THE RIGHT IDK
You stare at the bridge of their nose
xoxogossipdave:
its 2013 and all i wanna know is why we dont use the kettle to warm up milk
blein:
sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...
oh god
littlechaveleh:
we applied for our passports at the courthouse today and my dad was wearing a white suit for the picture in front of a white wall and the result is the floating bald head of jesus.
the best part about being the little spoon while cuddling is being able to rub your butt against the person’s junk
“Nothing can wear you out like caring about people.”
– S.E. Hinton, That Was Then, This Is Now (via cinisterr)
Zodiac Expression of Nerves
♈ Aries: Hyperactivity, headaches, impulsivity, recklessness, hostility, frustration, confrontation, restlessness, rapid speech, over thinking, displays of vulnerability and need for reassurance, inability to complete minor tasks
♉ Taurus: Reservation; they will dissociate into their own worlds and be untouchable, binge eating, compulsivity (cleaning, organizing, hand washing), silence; anxiety will come in waves for Taurus and be sustained for a long period, sore throat, 'blank' mindedness
♊ Gemini: Giggling, restlessness, rapid speech, talkativeness, tremors, hyperactivity, distractibility, racing thoughts, insomnia, inability to stay focused on and complete even minor tasks, loud and more talkative inner monologue, chest/lung discomfort
♋ Cancer: Teariness, catastrophized thinking, imagination worst case scenarios, inability to stop distressing thoughts and inner monologue, drifting off/inability to focus, food cravings, isolation but co-current feelings of neediness and reassurance, stomach cramps and nausea
♌ Leo: Frustration, hostility, catastrophizing (imagining and living worst case scenarios) martyrdom, impulsivity, binge eating/drinking, they tend to go out of their way to help and do things for other people/keep busy in service, back pain, somatic troubles
♍ Virgo: Digestive upset, restlessness, repetitive movements (hair twirling, counting) tremor, rapid thinking, withdrawal into isolated 'bubble', compulsive tasks (cleaning, organizing), need to keep busy and distracted may pace back and forth
♎ Libra: Unusual quietness, increased needs for re assurance, stomach upset, restlessness, distractibility, insomnia, negative inner monologue, catastrophized imagination, repetitive hand motions, inability to explain themselves or say they are unwell
♏ Scorpio: Increased need for control, hostility, violent frustration (wall kicking, throwing objects), irrationality, increased obsessiveness - they may spend hours and hours focused on one task almost manically, rejection of others though frustration they are not 'there', flashbacks
♐ Sagittarius: Increased vocal volume, higher impulsivity, hostility, hyperactivity - they are liable to go out running or try to repress it physically, substance use, rapid thoughts, recklessness, giggling, distractible, back pain
♑ Capricorn: Tension, overwhelming feelings of butterflies and nerves inside especially in their stomachs although they remain composed externally. Over thinking and inability to distract themselves from worst case scenario, hostility, isolation, tendency to take on more work shifts or responsibilities
♒ Aquarius: Talkativeness, rapid speech, over thinking, restlessness, insomnia, confusion; Aquarians will feel anxious or nervous yet have little insight into why they feel this way or what is causing it, their minds and emotional responses are not connected, back pain
♓ Pisces: Teariness, catastrophized thinking, inability to distract or change thought patterns, flashbacks, hysteria, chest discomfort, digestive upset/nausea, irrationality, distressing inner monologue, substance use, increased need for assurance
cancer and libra
